What a Day.

It was going to be an interesting day. The aura was in the air.
So my dad's huge SUV type gas guzzler needed new tires.
So off to the repair shop we go.
Next door is a restaurant, so we decided to get something to eat due to our lack of transport apparatus. We ordered a plate of nacho from an overly friendly middle-aged waitress. She brought them out smiling , " I dunno if yous is gunna was more food after this." Despite her lack of speaking skills she sure was observant. This plate of Nachos was HUGE. A serving platter piled a foot high, no joke. We finally got through them and decided to order something light as the main course. Dad got a sandwich and I got some sort of shrimp frames. Then as we were eating the waitress came out with this little Dirt Devil vaccuum thing, but it was electric. As she pushed it along she talked to the entire room as if doing an info-mercial about the benefits of a SHARK. She went on and on and on. Then She finally said, " I just love this thing, but maybe I am getting carried away." She pushed it back into it;s corner and looked longingly into it's shinyness. She then went back into the kitchen and disappeared for a long time and couldn't be found when we needed to go. Finally we got her, paid and left, as we were leaving she yelled, "IF YOU THINK THE NACHOS WERE BIG, TRY THE OPEN FACE TURKEY SANDWICH!!"

Throughly disturbed we went to pick up Mum from work and we were early so we decided to have a look around. We found a Dairy Queen, they are so rare these days you can't help but to stop. We pulled up to the menu at the drive thru and it seemed dead. We inched forward and a booming voice, " CAN I TAKE YOUR ORDER!"
So we ordered our one medium Chocolate Malt, one Large Choc. Banana Strawberry shake, and one medium cookie dough blizzard. So after we we told to pull around we sat for about 7 minutes waiting. He came out with the shake and closed the window and disappeared for another 5 minutes. Re-appears with a blizzard, closes the window and is gone for about 8 more minutes, hands us the malt, closes the window, opens the window hands us straws and VERY intensely says, " YOU HAVE A NICE DAY NOW." My father and i agreed that we would in fear he would find us and set his Jesus lizard on us.

Needless to say that was the most invigorating DQ experience I'VE ever had.

-CKR

Dance, Dance.

So last night, for 5 hours...I was a girl. A real one so to speak, Sally and I have determined that just because one has 'girl parts' does not mean one is a girl entirely.

The day started off fairly normal. I had Tierene over from the Game Party the previous night, which, might I add was invigoratingly orgasmic. As I believe my comrade, Sally will agree.

So yes, as we were. I went to some peace thingy-watsit at City High. Rather boring and unfufilling. So we made a swift escape from that only to return Tierene to her rightful spot and find ourselves at a quilt store. Myself and The Guardian decided to detour to a pet supply store. I spent the majority of our visit looking at all the recent innovations of Equine Goodness. I miss my horse now! Meh.

Making our way home I realized. OH GEE WILIKARS! I have to go to a dance tonight! The hell set upon me as I realized the slightest clue was not mine.
I figured, what does a 'girl' do to get ready for an event such as this?
Make-up was the first thing that came to mind.

I fetched my partner in crime, Sally and we headed off to Heaven [CVS to those who are daft]. Now you see, to us CVS hold nothing but glorious products and hours of learning. Little did we know that when we were to enter through the automatic door, sleek innovative theft detectors, that our CVS experience would never be the same.

How hard can it be, I asked Sally. Feeling confident with my knowledge of my prior interweb research. I figured it would be one product, one cheap and easy price. I knew I had to find Concealer, Foundation and Powder. So I looked at Sally and asked, Where to begin as I saw the numerous aisles of facial destruction. Every brand had about 100 gazillion choices...all equal to 100 gazillion in price! I felt that nasty discouragement try to flood me. I saw hope...maybe. So I let it pass, while holding Sal's hand.

We picked up different things not sure what to make of it, this process continued for about fourty minutes of "Ohhh.....eeeeee.. ewwwy...The hell?" Finally when defeat was close at hand I reached out to one of Heaven's angels and asked her to assist us. She spoke wisdom of shades lighter and winter-time. All gibberish, but the very breakthrough to our dilemma.

So in a saving grace, Sally found it all in one product, and at a price that did not make me cringe and make the squirrel face. Way to go Sallllllly! I pick up a few items, eye-liner[my area of expertise] and some acrylic nails to add the whole look, might as well dive right in!

As we left and returned the the mothership, Susan, our fearless leader, reminded me I had an hour to get ready, panic and adreianline set in. I ran upstairs and began my process not taking anytime to savour the hot water as I usually do. Later joined my Sally and her occasional sarcastic comment as I asked rhetorical questions about 'girldom' and its purposes.

Finally it seemed hours had passed, but truely only 45 minutes had. Of course, being parental units and all, pictures had to be taken. I posed as best i could in my devil heels. I did not fall, but the threat was constant.

My carriage arrived and my fellow high-schoolers filed out to greet me. As I, they are never polished or refined. This very evening I was baffled, as I believe they were too. We set off on our journey and picked up my escort. After a stop at an ATM and a Emergency vehicle stampede to the Amway Grand, we were to eat.
We got there and started laughing the minute we entered until the minute we left, which had about 2 1/2 hour span.

On our way to the dance we bought batteries, oh hoorah.

Once at the dance we were one of the few groups there. Though, people started filing in. THe dance went on pretty uneventful with an occasional 'boogie-down' from my escort. It was fun and the reactions from my class-mates were priceless. They seem to think that i can't be a 'girl'. I guess I showed them. Stupid underestimaters. I had skills. I can be anything, they just don't know me.

My carriage brought me back to my humble abode. I could not feel my lower appendages, much less remove them from the hell that bore them all night.

Upstairs, I figured, meh, I look good. Might as well take some pictures? At least I am good at that. As you can see from my After Dance Boredom Album.

So that was my night. Eventfull and somewhat personally fufilling.


But remember you can't make a girl be a 'girl', but one can try.


-CKR

Swedes!!!

Have you ever encountered a manic, paranoid schizophrenic nudist? Well I have. Thank goodness she was clothed at the time. How did this happen? No idea.

I was over at my sister Ann's place last night for gaming and a few of us were kind of sitting around in the dining room, waiting for the last player to get there. Then Ann looks outside and sees this woman wandering aimlessly around her backyard. It was a friend's friend that she vaugely knows and she was kind of hobbling, so Ann went to check on her. Well, she waltzed into the house, mooched some food from one of the players, and laid down on Ann's couch. Then mooched an ice pack and an ace bandage.

She was a loony. A total loony.

She was ranting about how her evil fundamentalist christian neighbors called the cops on her because she was rehearsing a modern dance number (for Columbus Day, which, what the hell? First, why does Columbus Day require a modern dance number, and secondly, modern dance is rehersed?) in her bathing suit, in her front yard. We all assume that "bathing suit" equals "naked". So, apparently she threw on some clothes and made a break for it, not bothering with shoes, thus twisting her ankle. See, she was institutionalized for 27 years and she was tortured with needles and abused by doctors (so she said), and for this all therapists need to be imprisoned and, ahem, assaulted by large black men. And cops are evil too. This is putting it nicely, since, as my bother-in-law Randy said, it was a blue rant.

She's an artist, you see, and people don't understand her art (modern dance) and that's why she's persecuted. They did the same thing to Van Gogh, you know, and look where he is now.

Ann ended up giving her a ride to a friend's house. She had to sit on the floor of the car, so no one would see her. We were all sworn to secrecy about the whole thing, so don't let anyone know that you heard this from me. She also wanted to know if we were playing a game (yes, kind of, but we hadn't started) and if it was yahtsee. Um, no. Then Chris (one of the players) held up the effing huge book o' rules and she said, completely seriously, "You guys can read?"

Also, she was concieved in Sweden, which is why nudity isn't an issue for her. Everyone is topless in Sweden! (Um, cold?) Also, she apparently doesn't have a problem with urine, because she very candidly told us that she had pissed herself whilst running from her home. It's just urine, it won't stain. (That's what she said. Ohhh!)

Also, she thinks that she's the second coming of Christ.

So, yeah. I would think that the whole thing was a sick and twisted hallucination, except that 5 other people saw it.

I have never, ever seen that much crazy in one place before.

~SCJ