Swedes!!!

Have you ever encountered a manic, paranoid schizophrenic nudist? Well I have. Thank goodness she was clothed at the time. How did this happen? No idea.

I was over at my sister Ann's place last night for gaming and a few of us were kind of sitting around in the dining room, waiting for the last player to get there. Then Ann looks outside and sees this woman wandering aimlessly around her backyard. It was a friend's friend that she vaugely knows and she was kind of hobbling, so Ann went to check on her. Well, she waltzed into the house, mooched some food from one of the players, and laid down on Ann's couch. Then mooched an ice pack and an ace bandage.

She was a loony. A total loony.

She was ranting about how her evil fundamentalist christian neighbors called the cops on her because she was rehearsing a modern dance number (for Columbus Day, which, what the hell? First, why does Columbus Day require a modern dance number, and secondly, modern dance is rehersed?) in her bathing suit, in her front yard. We all assume that "bathing suit" equals "naked". So, apparently she threw on some clothes and made a break for it, not bothering with shoes, thus twisting her ankle. See, she was institutionalized for 27 years and she was tortured with needles and abused by doctors (so she said), and for this all therapists need to be imprisoned and, ahem, assaulted by large black men. And cops are evil too. This is putting it nicely, since, as my bother-in-law Randy said, it was a blue rant.

She's an artist, you see, and people don't understand her art (modern dance) and that's why she's persecuted. They did the same thing to Van Gogh, you know, and look where he is now.

Ann ended up giving her a ride to a friend's house. She had to sit on the floor of the car, so no one would see her. We were all sworn to secrecy about the whole thing, so don't let anyone know that you heard this from me. She also wanted to know if we were playing a game (yes, kind of, but we hadn't started) and if it was yahtsee. Um, no. Then Chris (one of the players) held up the effing huge book o' rules and she said, completely seriously, "You guys can read?"

Also, she was concieved in Sweden, which is why nudity isn't an issue for her. Everyone is topless in Sweden! (Um, cold?) Also, she apparently doesn't have a problem with urine, because she very candidly told us that she had pissed herself whilst running from her home. It's just urine, it won't stain. (That's what she said. Ohhh!)

Also, she thinks that she's the second coming of Christ.

So, yeah. I would think that the whole thing was a sick and twisted hallucination, except that 5 other people saw it.

I have never, ever seen that much crazy in one place before.

~SCJ